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tmi explosion

Over the weekend, I celebrated an anniversary. I don’t know if it’s something to crow about, it just means I’m getting older. On Saturday, October 31st I celebrated having my menstrual cycle for 24 years. I KNOW. I have suffered with this nonsense for two-thirds of my life. TWO-THIRDS! (If you are a math scholar, you can figure out my age.)

I know to many women in the reading audience this isn’t anything too shocking, am I right? We all have our periods once a month and we carry on. I think my body knew it was an anniversary because this one was just GOD AWFUL. I will spare you the brutal details. I will allude to the awfulness simply by saying, “I think and felt-like my vagina was falling out.” I announced this many times during the cycle via Twitter. (Follow me, here.)

I can tell a few funny stories about menstruation. So sad, but so true. I started mine on at the exact same age and on the exact date, October 31st, just like my mother and grandmother. No, my mother did not have the talk with me. I think she just wanted to avoid it altogether. Good work, Mom!

When I came from school that Halloween, I had just finished the sex education/reproductive system unit in my health class. (Oh the situational irony, how do I love thee?) So, I knew what was going on. When I told my mother, she replied, “You are a woman now.” I thought to myself, “But I don’t want to be a woman.” Add to that, imagine the petulant 12-year-old foot stamp and sigh combination. (Y’all know what I’m talking about.)

For the first several years, I couldn’t tell my father I had my period. I was embarrassed. No, I was mortified by it. By way of my mother, my father knew just what brands of product to purchase for me. Or, I would sneak them onto the grocery list. Yes, in my family, my father does all the grocery shopping.

For the first 48 cycles, that’s right the first FOUR FUCKING YEARS, I could not wear tampons. You are thinking, “Oh, your mother must have been worried about the small risks associated with them!” No. She wasn’t. The reason I wasn’t able to try tampons in that time…My mother once tried them and didn’t like them.

Hello!?! This woman is clearly insane. A life-time supply of tampons are one of the five things I would take with me to a deserted island. Of course, I would put it under the heading of “menstrual aids.” What person would turn that down? That’s how seriously, fucking awesome tampons are.

Several years later, my sister started her menstrual cycle. Did she tell anyone? No. I just thought I was going insane. Pads and tampons went onto the grocery list. Ergo, I’d be fully stocked for the next cycle. My next cycle would arrive and my supply dwindled. The first several times, I thought I miscalculated.

Then, I realized someone was stealing them?!? But who would steal tampons and pads? Because, let’s be honest, it’s pathetic and sad to do that. I knew it wasn’t my mother, not with the tampons. It wasn’t my sister’s friends. D’oh! It was my sister. I cornered her and confirmed my suspicions. I made her tell our mother. Then I told her she had to ask Dad to buy her her own supply.

Ahh, yes, if you had grown up Chez La Coquette, these stories could be yours to share.

excel-ent

Dreadful does not begin to describe how work goes of late.

No one calls. And, if they do, they are not speaking to me to as long as they have in the past. Have they not heard about this “jobless recovery?” They are all gainfully employed OR they have funds to support their habit. So, there is no reason for them not to call.

The Doyenne blames the World Series. I think it goes fundamentally deeper than that. Being the analytical and micro-manager that I am, I kept all my call data from last year (as well as 2007). I reviewed the records for the timespan of the Play Offs and the World Series. There was not a drop in calls as we have seen since mid-October.

First and foremost, hooray for record-keeping! And SPREADSHEETS! Spreadsheets, my darlings, how I love you! Secondly, how in the hell can I turn this around? Many clients we cannot contact. We must allow them to strike first. Then, we reel them in. Even putting my most alluring self forward, it’s not working.

Why isn’t it working? Easy-peasy. For clients that are married or who have partners of some sort, corporate travel budgets have been slashed. No. Slashed isn’t the correct term. Decimated. Corporate travel budges have been decimated. If either party cannot travel, they the gentlemen in question cannot call.

*Sighs* I know. If tonight turns around I will be ecstatic. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

a few things

I don’t know what to write about today. I don’t have any particularly interesting work stories to share. The phones have been quiet. An annoyance to be sure, I only hope that they begin ringing off the hook soon.

In the interim, here are a few things with which I am fascinated:

• • “V” The 80s miniseries and Tv show as well as watching the modern interpretation tonight.
  • Getting rid of the nasty, over cast weather.
  • Finding a way to sleep past 7AM even when up late in the evening.
  • Cleaning, purging and organizing my office space.
  • “Glee” music.
  • New Moon. I know, I know. I’m disappointed in me, too.
  • Getting my telephones up and working.
  • The Neiman Marcus Holiday Catalog. It is some kind of wonderful.
  • Finding a perfume that I can wear and will like for more than a few weeks.

a few things

I don’t know what to write about today. I don’t have any particularly interesting work stories to share. The phones have been quiet. An annoyance to be sure, I only hope that they begin ringing off the hook soon.

In the interim, here are a few things with which I am fascinated:

• • “V” The 80s miniseries and Tv show as well as watching the modern interpretation tonight.
  • Getting rid of the nasty, over cast weather.
  • Finding a way to sleep past 7AM even when up late in the evening.
  • Cleaning, purging and organizing my office space.
  • “Glee” music.
  • New Moon. I know, I know. I’m disappointed in me, too.
  • Getting my telephones up and working.
  • The Neiman Marcus Holiday Catalog. It is some kind of wonderful.
  • Finding a perfume that I can wear and will like for more than a few weeks.

a few things

I don’t know what to write about today. I don’t have any particularly interesting work stories to share. The phones have been quiet. An annoyance to be sure, I only hope that they begin ringing off the hook soon.

In the interim, here are a few things with which I am fascinated:

• “V” The 80s miniseries and Tv show as well as watching the modern interpretation tonight.
• Getting rid of the nasty, over cast weather.
• Finding a way to sleep past 7AM even when up late in the evening.
• Cleaning, purging and organizing my office space.
• “Glee” music.
• New Moon. I know, I know. I’m disappointed in me, too.
• Getting my telephones up and working.
• The Neiman Marcus Holiday Catalog. It is some kind of wonderful.
• Finding a perfume that I can wear and will like for more than a few weeks.

sunday inspiration

Inspiration comes from a variety of sources.  Take, for example, the boots drawn above. I think they are fantastic. If ever created, I would march out and snatch a pair up in every color. Whimsical and fun, that is a rarity today, I think.

For those unaware, deep down, I continue to hold a passion for historical dress and fashion. I love that the shoes espouse a 17th and 18th century feel. The tops, garnished with a ribbon bow, echo early garters. The sides, I cannot tell if they are meant to have buckles or not. Honestly, I’m not certain that I care.

My fingers itch for these boots. I want to pull them on and do very bad things in them. Of course, I also want to be noticed for wearing them. I imagine a night out wearing these would only end in the most positive ways possible.

I must give credit to the artist. Go view more of his work here. The full rendering of this image can be seen here. I believe it’s meant to be a feminine version of one of the Three Musketeers in anime form. Although, please do not quote me. I’m not knowledgeable in this field.

I just love the boots. And the hat. (Plumes are seriously underrated!) Okay. And the gloved hands, too.

The boots just truly captured my imagination. Currently, it’s in Europe looking at fabric swatches and talking to cobblers. I know: MADNESS.

a case of the mondays

You know, KNOW, that when the title of the post is the above, things cannot be going too well chez la coquette. It’s not that things are going poorly; they aren’t going well either.

If I pulled back the curtains, I would see a grey sky. That cloud cover means funky things are going on in the sky, irritating my sinuses and causing me a bit of headache pain. Yes, lucky me, I have ultra-sensitive sinuses. I am the only person that I know of that manages to get a headache from barometric pressure changes as well as the after-rain-freshness-mixed-with-fresh-cut-grass-scents. I’m also allergic to the perfume of roses. ROSES! This causes an incredible amount of consternation. Why? because, I too, want to receive several dozen of those glorious flowers for Valentine’s Day. Not that I think that Valentine’s Day is a holiday. No, no it’s simply a marketing tool developed by the likes of Hallmark and candy makers. (I bet a billion dollars I’d feel differently if I wasn’t single.)

To top it off, today is the first day of kicking the junk-food habit (umm, restart number unknown). Basically that means, I’m back on tea and off Starbucks. I’ll be watching what I eat and it will be good, uber-healthy food. Not what I might be craving. You know, take-out Chinese, oozing bacon cheeseburgers and chocolate milkshakes. Stuff like that. Stuff like that which tastes so good but will put me in an early grave. *sighs* And, please, do not say moderation. That is a skill I haven’t truly managed to master.